gentle reader, it has been 22 years, 264 months, 8030 days [ give or take for leap years ].
that was the last time i told my dad, see ya later...
he passed away the very next day.
and let me tell ya what really sucks about this...this year in particular...
i always hate it when the dates and the days mesh just like they did then.
it makes it even more difficult to get through this week.
it's not like i ever forget any of the details...they are forever branded in my memories.
but when i relive the details exactly...breaks my heart into a thousand pieces all over again.
i know i write about this every year and i don't intend to bore you but once again, this is my blog and i write what's on my mind and right now and the rest of this week...this is going to weigh heavily on my mind.
gentle reader, please remember that you will never know the last time you will say see ya later to someone close to you.
no one is promised tomorrow.
hell, no one is promised the next hour or minute.
and i know that i have taken a lot for granted lately and i am striving to correct that, i really am...but it's not easy.
would i have done it differently had i known it was our last see ya later?
ya know what? i definitely would have.
i would have given a bigger hug, i would have snapped a photo of us, i would have never walked out of that damn hospital. i would have hugged my mom tight, i would have told her i loved her. i would have appreciated the moment a whole hell of a lot more, that's for effing sure.
if only we could live in hindsight, right? but that's not possible...
gentle reader...it's been over 8030 days...and it isn't any easier today than it was then...all i can say is that it is different today than it was then.
it's not that you get used to it. it's not that you forget them. it's not that you move on.
life becomes different. unless you have lost someone extremely close to you, i'm not sure i can relay to you how i feel.
and not grandparents or elderly...no offense...but when a person has lived a long time...and i'm not going to give any number suggestion here...but when someone has been given a long time on earth, i don't resent them leaving.
but when a person has had a short time here on earth, i do resent them being taken away too early.
my dad was barely 46 years old.
i know that's longer than many.
but it was not long enough for my dad.
he was one of the most awesome men i have ever met...
i would love for him to be here to celebrate all of our accomplishments, to support in all our sorrows...
i miss him terribly and it was only yesterday that i wished i could pick up the phone and ask for his advice...but there is no phone line to heaven.
i am grateful:
- for the almost 26 years i had with my dad
- to know how awesome my dad was
- to appreciate what my dad did for me
- to appreciate how much my dad loved me
- to know that someday, we will be re-united
just breathing isn't living!