attract what you expect
they are messengers of overwhelming grief, deep contrition, and of unspeakable love

just be brave

1gentle reader, i feel like this has been my mantra for 2013. i really do. it seems there has been a lot for me to just be brave about. the year started out rocky, at best. it escalated to more than rocky. then it was ok. then it was great. then it was rocky and then it was worse than rocky. then it evened out. then brother was diagnosed with stage 4 renal failure.

stage fucking four.

that's end game, my friend. end game.

he's only 5...we shouldn't be talking end game yet. we shouldn't.

however, because of genetic issues, we are. there is not one damn thing we could have done to prevent what we are facing right now. not one effing thing.

what i will tell you...we have a fabulous vet clinic. they did what they could. then referred us to the most awesome specialist evah!!

and now brother is on quite the regimen. we are doing all we can to keep him comfortable, fed and happy.

and lemme tell ya, it's a shitload every day from here on out.

i know i have a few readers here that are connected to the chiropractic world in some fashion. i know how most of them think. i get it. i will also tell you, that unless you have walked in the shoes and in the steps that i am right have no fucking room to judge. none.

two years ago, you might remember, i wrote quite a bit about paw paw's journey. i was his primary hospice care giver.

i am now doing that for brother.

when he won't eat, i cajole.

when it's time for meds, i'm there.

when it's time for injections...he is a trooper.

when it's time for his iv, he doesn't hesitate to give a reassuring kiss on my nose.

when it's time to get adjusted, he knows kiroman is going to take care of him.

he knows that we are all doing whatever we can to extend his time with long as his quality of life is great...he knows how much he is loved. his brothers and sister have been over the top worried about his absences from the house.

he went into the hospital last friday and stayed until monday. then it was a half day trip to the specialist on wednesday.

everyone is glad to see him spend a full day at home.

he loves to hang with the pack and when it's potty break time, you would have no idea how sick he really is.

his tail wags, his wrinkle do a little more wrinkling and you may even spot him wrestling with sister or cujo.

but most of the time, you will find him curled up in his bed. taking it all in. so he can take the memories with him.

i know.

i've seen it before.

and every second of every day, he reminds me to just be brave.


gentle reader, the girl ever so graciously let me know that a post did not go live this morning and she wanted to know why.

honestly, i fell asleep before i took the time to write last night. it happens. i know you will forgive me, right?

2so wednesday night, the girl came home for dinner as is her routine since school started. her test was pushed back to friday...yes, friday...they voted to go to class two fridays in december in order to have the whole week of christmas off school. but it was routine, so she came home. she requested pot roast. i was happy to oblige! i love pot roast! the girl took the left overs home so she could have them for lunch on thursday.

2lemme tell you...sister has been thrilled to see so much of the girl lately! she never wants her to leave. her best gig to prolong the leaving...rolling onto her back, looking cute and begging for that belly rub. the girl is always happy to comply...heck, honestly, no one turns down sister when she asks for a belly rub!


2i hear the text tone on my phone this morning. i check and it's from the girl. i open the text and this is what i see ⬆⬆⬆ a guy in the gir's class puts on another girl's ballet slippers. i'm surprised the girl was able to snag a photo! i'm glad she did. and i'm glad she sent it to me. because i love to know they are having fun while learning. i love to see the shenanigans! i mean, it takes some kinda dude to put on a girl's ballet slipper!

2the girl came home again tonight. because her test is tomorrow. she came home for dinner and to study. dinner was spaghetti, the leftovers went home for lunch tomorrow! she knocked out her studying while i surfed the internets. then it was time for her to head out. before she left, kiroman asked for a photo of her with brother.
one thing i had forgotten and am re-learning...don't wait til end game to start taking those photos! every day photos are priceless...they really are. i vow to snap more photos every day...of things that may seem ordinary or boring today but tomorrow, we will be grateful for the memories they invoke.

just be brave, gentle reader...just be brave.

i am grateful:

  • the stinky smell at the magic lake house was a dry trap
  • i was able to get all my errands done in less than 4 hours today
  • the girl came home to study
  • for kiroman's help in "doctoring" brother
  • the doolittles care so much for brother

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