just be brave
sometimes right isn't always the easiest thing to do

they are messengers of overwhelming grief, deep contrition, and of unspeakable love

1gentle reader, i think this washington irving quote so aptly describes tears.

think about the times you have cried.

you felt overwhelming grief.

you were incredibly sorry.

the depths of unspeakable love will bring one to tears.

tears definitely are not a sign of weakness.

not in my book.

but i'm the same person that cries watching vince vaughn in fred clause.

seriously, i do.

there have been a lot of tears in the kirohouse lately.

those tears are mostly due to unspeakable love for brother.

for the overwhelming grief we feel while we travel this journey with him.

tears for how sorry we are that right now, there is not much we are able to do for him except keep him comfortable.

the next time someone gives you a hard time for your tears, kick in the junk and tell 'em it's from me, trophy wife!


2i forgot to post this photo in friday's blog...the girl sent me this photo and it took me a few minutes to figure out what it was! i'll give you a second or two to come up with your answer...here's a hint: she had asked if it was warm enough for a car wash...

2so what you see here is what keeps brother comfortable morning, noon and night. there is a lot to do but ya know what? i can see a small difference in him...i don't care what anyone says...the meds for his nausea are working. he can eat a little and not vomit it all out. there is a laundry list of instructions there. but it's simple to follow...as long as you stay in order of the steps listed, all is well and fine. well, not really...but ya know what i mean.

2i had to post this one of kiroman and one of his peeps. every single friday, they take a selfie together. it's a rhythm. it's tradition. it's fun!

2ahhh...friday night hockey game! we're missing a pair of shoes, gentle reader! the weekend kinda got turned upside down with the news we received about brother on wednesday. and with that news came all the care instructions. we had our time scheduled appropriately, so did the girl, and then plans changed. we had to cancel a party for saturday night. brother hates going to the lake...hates hates hates hates it. and with his diagnosis...we decided we were not taking him out there to be stressed even more. our awesome critter sitter would just be getting back into town from visiting her cousin in vegas...it was just easier for us to cancel the party for now and we will plan it again at a later time. so the girl wasn't sure how she wanted to handle her plans...so we told her to do her thing and we'd be fine! so friday night she went on her date. kiroman and i had our own little date night at the hockey game ;)

5_edited-1a tradition is a tradition...so we did the first intermission shoe shot and the second intermission selfie...these are only a handful of the photos we snapped...you might say we had a little fun goofing around! it was good to escape into the game for a few hours. the game was awesome even though our team lost...at one point the ref called a really stupid cross checking penalty...it was stupid stupid stupid...there was no cross checking involved...so when he skated by i yelled at him: hey, we're playing hockey here, not football!!! kiroman thought it was funny. i thought it was funny...cuz, well, it was funny! all these stupid new rules for football where they can't hit here, or there or with a body part...it's to the point where there can't be any physical contact at all anymore...i swear, if hockey ends up that way, i quit. q u i t. quit!

6_edited-1so saturday...the girl had the morning shift, kiroman and i met up when he was done and did a few errands then we went home and waited for this awesome guy to show up! he was planning on coming the christmas party but when it was cancelled, we had him come on over anyways...he comes from the middle of iowa...we met the girl at flemings for dinner...yum-o for sure, gentle reader! i know it's a little grainy but that's what happens in a dark restaurant, the iphone camera on selfie side and no flash...but it's awesome we are all together!

2duh! we had to have a re-take because the girl wasn't flexing in the first shot! not that you can really see her guns here but it's the thought that counts!

2probably too much tmi for some of you but the girl and i hit the restroom. i was done before her and saw this on the counter. i thought it was weird...and i'm a chick! so i asked the girl if that was as weird as i thought it was and she agreed it was, indeed, weird. so i said i needed a photo. i thought she would tell me no but she didn't, she handed me her phone since i had left mine at the table. and then the girl decided to pose...it's all in fun!

9after dinner, i rode back to kirohouse with the girl. why? because i didn't want to her drive alone and kiroman would have brett's company. plus, they did the highway switch over on friday [ there is one helluva story coming about that, gentle reader! ] and i knew that the girl would have a hard time finding the turn off into our neighborhood now...i have a hard time in broad daylight! and once home, we decided that instead of watching a movie, we would start sons of anarchy for the guys. neither one have watched the series. i keep telling kiroman that i would start over from the beginning and watch with him because i like it that much. plus, i knew that he would be hooked once he started watching! we watched 4 episodes before we called it a night at 2am! poor kiroman had been up since 4am...yep, he was propelling on very little sleep. but guess what? they are both hooked now! [ kiroman and i watched two more episodes tonight ]. great series, gentle reader, if you have not watched it, i highly recommend it!

9tonight the girl had another dinner date...to meet the father!!! and when the boy came to pick her up tonight, he had these for her. how sweet is that? lemme tell ya, nothing warms a mama's heart faster than seeing a boy give her daughter flowers! it's such a nice and gentlemanly thing to do...something i don't think happens often enough anymore!

9and this the evening routine for brother. iv time. you can see that we do not have an iv pole so we use a hanger on a cabinet...works pretty good for me. brother is a trooper...he has to sit there with me for about 10-12 minutes...long enough for 250 mls to run to keep him hydrated. his tail is down, though, so you know he's not happy one single bit. but he doesn't try to walk away and he doesn't fight it.

9as we get toward the end, he usually decides it's ok to sit down. and this is when i get lots of kisses on the nose. and this is really hard for me. because a) i don't like to be licked, b) i hate dogs in my face c) his breath is pretty putrid because of the kidney failure...think about what the kidneys do. now think that they aren't working...now realize that his breath smells pretty much like urine most of the time. it's no wonder he has lost his appetite...i'm sure everything tastes disgusting because of that. we are finding things here and there that tantalize his taste buds...like pancakes, scrambled eggs and hot dogs. honestly, gentle reader, it's end game here, so what does it matter what he eats...he needs the calories.

i am grateful

  • for a great care team for brother
  • for awesome time spent with friends
  • for a super lazy sunday at home
  • the ice and snow missed this weekend
  • for the cameras on our cell phones

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